ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS A GOOD STORY
After winning two Tony awards in 2007 for book and lyrics of Spring Awakening, Steven Sater teamed up with the one-and-only Burt Bacharach to write some pop songs. According to an L.A. Times article, the legendary composer told Sater that he dreamt they rented a theater in which to play their songs. For their new project, Sater said that he wanted to write “Burt songs” (read: pop songs), not “traditional musical theater songs” (read: songs that emanate from character and move the plot along) and put them into a kind of memory play, which could also be a concert. Thus, Some Lovers, the tepid, uninspired, and misguided world premiere now on at The Old Globe in San Diego, was born.
A jukebox musical, such as Mamma Mia!, inserts well-known songs into a new book, but Sater crafted a book around songs that seem like they are still in progress. The inspiration for the nearly plot-free musical is O. Henry’s classic short story “The Gift of the Magi,” in which a young couple exchanges gifts at Christmas: he sells a watch to buy her combs for her beautiful hair, but she has sold her hair to buy him a fob for his watch. However, Some Lovers is hardly an updating of the ironic tale; in fact, the gift exchange never really occurs.
It’s Christmas Eve in New York City and the estranged Ben (Jason Danieley) and Molly (Michelle Duffy) are troubled by their failed relationship which began 20 years earlier when he was a budding songwriter and she was a waitress. A phone call between the two spurs the appearance of their younger selves (Andrew Mueller and Jenni Barber), who reenact the past and annotate the current emotional state of the modern couple. Yes, the four interact and talk to each other as if they were all friends, occasionally commenting directly to the audience (at one point, the younger Ben even hits the older Ben in the stomach, which is one hell of a metaphysical trick). There is scant character or relationship development, so we’re never on board with their love affair – it’s almost a relief that we immediately know these two will break up.
From the start, Ben is distant, aloof and perpetually preoccupied with his songs, yet Molly asks him to move in with her. Incongruently, she uses an inheritance to buy him a Steinway so that he can compose his songs, but then becomes upset and jealous when he finally has a chance to have his songs recorded by a big-time singer (whom they refer to as “That Girl”). As a result, he gives up his dream to placate Molly, a most needy chick who had originally said to Ben, “You have to get your music out there.”
So, her gift is the Steinway, while his gift to her is supposed to be a Christmas song, but the completed tune never materializes by the end of the one-act musical! (Ben does, however, eventually sell the Steinway to keep her from bankruptcy – another incongruity because he doesn’t need the Steinway – he has not been able to compose since “That Girl” came between them.) Apparently, the authors could not figure out where to insert Ben’s completed yule song, so the barely-tolerable, saccharine-coated “This Christmas” is tacked on and performed after the curtain call. What a bum-bum-de-bumma-bum-bum bummer.
Among the many issues with this show, Bacharach’s music is, remarkably, the least of its problems, especially given that he’s an octogenarian and has not written a musical since Promises, Promises in 1968. Even then, his trademark changes in meter and mostly funky melodies sounded fresh and were made all the more 
palatable by Hal David’s lyrics, Neil Simon’s book and Michael Bennett’s staging.
The most telling comment overheard after Some Lovers was, “It’s great to hear those Bacharach tunes again.” Again? They’re brand new! Indeed, while it’s no secret that Bacharach is one of the most successful songwriters in American Pop, the tunes for Some Lovers sound derivative of the composer’s own prolific output from the 1960s through the late 1970s, as if he were assigned to write an unimaginative pastiche of himself, exemplified in such tunes as “Every Other Hour” and two other songs in the show that were already recorded in 2010 – the eleven o’clock number “Just Walk Away” (recorded by Italian soul singer Karima Ammar) and “Some Lovers” (covered by Rumer).
Even the orchestrations (by the brilliant Jonathan Tunick no less!) include synthesizers for violins, and flute solos that smack of The Carpenters. Also, some of Bacharach’s melodies are conducive to the overdone American Idol-type pop-yodeling made famous by Whitney Houston in the 1980’s. Sometimes it seems that theater music is in a dark age, forever waiting for a Renaissance of musical composition.
At least the legendary Bacharach provided a quintessential Bacharach sound (albeit with largely forgettable melodies); it is Mr. Sater’s book and lyrics that stultify in their shallowness. His bubble gum-styled pop song lyrics (“Hold me forever/Always together”) are littered with imperfect rhymes. “World/girl”, “hush/touch”, “while/child” and “sung/come” are examples of some of the laziest, juvenile songsmithing ever heard in the theater. Sater’s imperfect rhyming in the highly overpraised Spring Awakening (“idol/Bible, “scenes/dreams”, “cold/soul”) was far more tolerable because his lyrics sprung from and commented on dialogue – they were also hugely aided by Duncan Sheik’s haunting and catchy score. In Some Lovers, Sater’s silly lyrics are a distracting nuisance.
Another sign of lazy writing resides in the dialogue: the few laughs of the evening came from the mention of The Simpsons and other instances of name-brand recognition in a script which is also plagued with gratuitous, off-putting f-bombs.
Not only is the spectator uninspired by the score and libretto, but so is the director, Will Frears. There is no sense of time or place in the show (even the program states that this is the “past and the present”): we can only assume that it happens from 1991 to 2011, but then what is up with the disco choreography (musical staging by Denis Jones) and that atrocious mirror ball? There are also unpleasant strings of red and green Christmas lights above the theatre-in-the-round (design by Ben Stanton) that would be better suited to an Italian restaurant circa 1975. Takeshi Kata’s clunky set includes a bed on a platform which rises from center stage while a tacky chandelier descends from above – this setting represents the Park Plaza hotel where our whiny couple annually reads selections from O. Henry’s story (the chandelier appears again in a restaurant scene). The fantastic orchestra (amazingly enough, hidden under the stage) is kept sharp by Lon Hoyt’s supervision, which is clearly visible on the distracting video monitor that the actors use for musical cues. Leon Rothenberg’s sound design often had the instruments louder than the performers.
During the show, Molly wonders what happens to the couple in “The Gift of the Magi” once they have exchanged presents. O. Henry has already declared at the end of his Christmas yarn that, while the couple may have been foolish, they were as wise as the magi in that they gave and received gifts. The four lead actors on display here were the wisest people of all, for they presented the gift of engaging and stalwart performances, a yeoman’s task given that their characters were designed just to get to the next song.
This is a particularly tough time for new theater. During difficult economic times, regional houses in particular are forced to figure out what will bring in an audience. I firmly believe that if you build a great show, they will come. But the powers that be, clearly with their eyes set on Broadway, seem to have a list of ingredients that they believe will bring in an audience. Apparently, established award-winners, name writers, a small cast, and familiarity are reason enough to add a show to a subscription-based season. There is a lesson to be learned with the production of Some Lovers: in creating a new work, artistic directors and producers must start with a great story and then find the artists who are most suitable to tell the tale. Great storytelling, the gift left to us by O. Henry, is precisely the ingredient that is most lacking in the modern theatre and the one that is most likely to attract an audience.
photos by Henry DiRocco
Some Lovers
Sheryl and Harvey White Theatre at The Old Globe in San Diego
scheduled to end on December 31
for tickets, visit http://www.TheOldGlobe.org
